I detest negativity in my life. I'm don't consider myself a defeatist. I' believe the future is bright and I generally feel very positive about the future. I almost always have something to look forward to. I believe with all my heart that my life situation is primarily what I make it. I've always been engaged in things that affect me. I've always desired to improve things as best I can. I've always felt that I could. I honestly believe that most of the time, I have something to contribute. That I can make a difference.
This week, I tried to contribute to a situation that everyone agrees isn't working, but was made to feel that my contributions were neither valued nor welcomed. Not among my peers. Not by my supervisors. I feel as though both groups just wished I'd go away. That's a bitter pill to swallow. To know that you have no ally. It has messed with my life satisfaction. I feel isolated. I wonder regularly whether it is possible for me to finish this program without having to interact with anyone. I wonder if anyone anywhere gives a rat's ass about any of this. In the end, I've made the only decision left to me. It is time to stop participating in activities that suck the life out of me. And if that means leaving bad situations bad, so be it. If that means turning my back on the here here, so be it. And so, I'm dropping out in a metaphorical sense. I have no more business with this bunch. They are on their own.