08 November 2008

On Panty Bunching - A List of Lingerie Twisters

Ok, I've been giving J a lot of grief lately about his self-proclaimed Eeyorism. Actually, I don't think that Eeyore is the right literary character. He's more like Pigpen. He walks around and a dark cloud follows him. To the outsider, it seems that Obama's win only made J more introspective and melancholy. Glad to see that his attitude about the event seems to be improving. The man has been in a funk I tell ya. He's just plain glum. I promise not to point out (innocent angelic face, hehe) that happy is something you decide to be. He's getting something out of his boot dragging and I just have to learn to accept that.

Barbs aside, at some point in our ongoing discussions, I described J as having his "shorts in a knot", probably having something to do with 3rd party candidates and their inability to rock my socks off (which apparently is the catch phrase of the day). In any event, J misunderstood me in thinking that pantie bunching is a bad thing, so I thought I'd let loose on the list that is sure to increase my lingerie laundry.
  1. New Coke (the fact that they sprung it on us one day without giving us proper time to create a cache of "old" Coke to get us through until they reached that "what the f**k were we thinking?" phase)
  2. People who want to impose their religious beliefs on the rest of us (Prop 8 anyone?)
  3. George W Bush (the sight of him, the sound of him, the thought of him, you name it)
  4. Assholes who rip religious symbols off other people's cars and laugh about it
  5. People who want to be congratulated for doing the right thing (John McCain's campaign staff, my ex-husband who wanted applause for taking out the garbage)
  6. People who damn everyone else when they should be examining their own behavior (*cough* John freakin' Aravosis*cough*)
  7. People who discriminate against things they don't understand instead of taking the time to understand them.
  8. Hand-me-down thinking in general (includes religion, politics, social beliefs, cultural biases, etc.)
  9. People who do not obey Chicago driving rules (what part of 3 cars get to turn left after the light turns red don't you people understand?)
  10. Drivers who think using blinkers are a sign of weakness
  11. Lane defectors (those who mindlessly shift into whichever lane is moving in bumper-to-bumper traffic)
  12. People who think if one of their low beams are out, you can remedy this by turning on the high beams (there seems to be an epidemic of this in Kentucky)
  13. People who can't make up their minds in restaurants and ask the waiter/waitress for a laundry list of recommendations and then end up ordering what they always order anyway
  14. Music/beer/wine snobs, but certainly not food snobs =)
  15. Litter and the people who create it
  16. The fact that despite my best efforts, there are still racist bigots in my family
  17. People who give minimum-wage workers a hard time
  18. People who think withholding a tip is making a statement. If you want to make a statement, make it prior to leaving when someone might actually be able to turn your experience around. Allowing your money or lack thereof to make your statement for you is an act of cowardice, plain and simple. Grow some balls and speak up.
  19. People who refuse to stand up for themselves and want to complain about how the rest of the world doesn't treat them right.
  20. People who think that just because I can do something better that I have an obligation to do it for them, for free.
  21. The fact that I don't live in Chicago. Right now. That I am not sitting in Chicago watching a football game or doing something other than what I am doing. Right now. Life is so unfair.
  22. White Republicans who can't understand that it is THEIR TURN to feel the pain of being out of power. I am sick, Sick, SICK to death of their whining about how the world is going to end because Obama is our new President. If the world didn't end because that fucktard Bush is President, nothing is going to end this world.
  23. Poverty, hunger, and the price of prescription medicine.
  24. Voters who found themselves disenfranchised because of party politics.
  25. Lactose intolerance. Oh, the humanity!


  1. Bunched undies (from the Seven Pillars of Wisdom)...
    This people was black and white, not only in vision, but by inmost furnishing; black and white not merely in clarity, but in apposition. Their thoughts were at ease only in extremes. They inhabited superlatives by choice. Sometimes inconsistencies seemed to possess them at once in joint sway; but they never compromised: they pursued the logic of several incompatible opinions to absurd ends, without perceiving the incongruity. With cool head and tranquil judgement, imperturbably unconscious of the flight, they oscillated from asymptote to asymptote. They were a limited, narrow-minded people, whose inert intellects lay fallow in incurious resignation...[Their creeds]were assertions, not arguments; so they required a prophet to set them forth.

  2. I didn't say they were the product of rational thought. They just are. =) LOL

  3. Just because I don't get excited about the things you get excited about doesn't mean I'm a walking dust cloud of discontent, honey =]

    Besides, Pigpen seemed only occasionally cognizant of his sandstorm-like aura. Eeyore appreciated that he was a downer -- he was self-aware, even if he didn't hesitate to share his downery.

    Besides which, if you think *that* was Pigpenny of me, you don't know from J being a dark cloud. Ho, boy, was I a fun teenager -- what can be more fun than an angsty, sad kid that can out-argue you about how bad things are 90% of the time.

    Speaking of which, I was going to pitch 3 more things about the US of A that might make certain alphabet-continuum folks pack it, but let me instead phrase it as a discussion question:

    A) Do we truly need a change in our election system (i.e. proportional voting or some such)? Is it enough if this was done on local levels, because

    B) Can we hope to modify the Constitution in any fundamental way? It is an immensely hard document to amend, yet the way it's written it really does have a terrible lot of anachronisms. Indeed, it's so hard to change that rather than amending it to allow greater federalism, most federal law is justified on a transparently flimsy pretext of "regulating interstate commerce."

    C) Are certain changes even feasible within the status quo/two-party system? outside of seriously addressed global warming (see i.e. my soon-to-be most recent post), I see the statehood or independence of the Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, and the US Virgin Islands as matters of principle that are unlikely to get any traction in the near future, in a significant part because neither party wants to upset the tidy 100-seat Congress with new states, nor pay the reparations necessary to newly-independent former colonies; yet they continue to be governed to a large degree by a federal government that they can't participate in (unless they leave their home). It just seems to me ridiculous that the terrorities -- and Washington DC! -- have members of Congress, but they are observers, not voting members. THIS is a huge fucking shameful anachronism.

    For various reasons, the independence of the territories is not the top of many agendas (largely because it seems so intractable), yet I think it is a horrible and lasting blemish, even if a hidden one, on the American soul.

  4. Accepts the large can of aptly-deserved smack from J. Puts it in a bun and adds relish. =)

    A) Listens......

    B) Knee-jerk reaction: Yes, we can. And the Constitution stands today in need of serious and immediate amending. The ERA, which must include provisions for gender identification and sexual preference as well as gender is vital to this country's future. A fundamental change in the constitution is necessary to end discrimination as a way of life in this country. State's rights, my ass.

    C) Unless and until DC, all territories and former colonies are willing to raise an unqualified and unyielding stink about their lack of representation, shameful or not, nothing is likely to happen. In fact, I'm unlikely to get my shorts in a knot over them either. See my list of things that DO get my shorts in a knot, particularly #19.

    Back to A. I'm not sure why the question of A is in any way discounted by the difficulty of amending the constitution. Surely I think that our election system needs revising given the clear and fundamental changes in demographic patterns, technology, and um...this is the 21st century, people! The electoral college is like statistics. The more tests you perform, the more assumptions you build into the model, the less likely it is to reflect reality. I stand firm on the one vote-all votes equal model, with popular vote determining our leadership. I trust the American public. It is unconscionable that anyone who loses the popular vote should gain the office they seek and yet we have seen it in our lifetime. It is unscrupulous for votes in Montana to count more than votes in Florida. A portional disenfranchisement is the same as total disenfranishment.

    And on that note, I'm off to work. Glad ot hear about your impending defense. I'm sure you'll kick ass.

  5. Yes, it's true. You could have written the list on my behalf, except maybe the part about living in Chicago. ;)