18 November 2008

Poltiical Chuckles

Liked this so much, I wanted to share it. From Richard Valeriani over on Huffington.

NOV. 17, 2008, NEWS UPDATE

Barack Obama goes to White House to see George W. Bush. President-Elect meets President-Reject.

Bush told Obama that John McCain said Obama didn't need to see the Oval Office because Obama had already measured it for drapes during the campaign.

Afterward, Obama said "We only have one President at a time." Stock Market plunges another few hundred points.

Two days later, Joe Biden meets with Dick Cheney. Took him that long to find the bunker.

New book, "Angler, The Cheney Vice Presidency" published. Reviewer writes, "...Cheney doesn't seem as bad as you might think. He's even worse."

Bush observes Veterans' Day by visiting refurbished aircraft carrier Intrepid, now a museum in New York City. Wonders if he could have actually landed on one of these things if he'd really served in the Alabama National Air Guard.

Cheney observes Veterans' Day by laying a deferment at Tomb of the Unknowns.

Leaders of world's most powerful countries hold summit in Washington to discuss global economic crisis. Main theme of meeting: Waiting for Barack.

In advance of summit, Bush speechifies that "the crisis was not a failure of the free market system." Right. It was a failure of high-priced bozos who had too much freedom in a free market system.

Bush hosts White House dinner for world leaders. Menu includes crow for appetizer, roasted breast of lame duck as main course and humble pie for dessert. Beverage of choice was Kool Aid.

Obama staffing his administration. Potential hires required to fill out detailed 63-page questionnaire. So, if you smoke, bite your nails, wet the bed, drink Jack Daniels with Coke, watch "The View" regularly or voted for Joe Lieberman, you're out.

Obama says one of his top priorities is to get Osama bin Laden. Dead or Alive? Here we go again.

By the way, what about Michael Bloomberg for Treasury Secretary? With the understanding, of course, that it's not a lifetime job.

Obama's favorite foods said to be chili, Mexican food and pizza. White House chef said to be looking for another job.

Obama also said to like spinach and broccoli. Oh please, that's taking image-building a bit too far.

CNN commentator refers to Obama caravan of SUV's traveling "OJ-style." Sounds more like Fox.

AIG gets more billions of federal bailout money. Original request failed to include budget for Christmas Party.

Automakers go to Washington to beg for bailout money, but Republican lawmakers throw up impassable roadblock. They also just throw up.

What about former General Motors CEO Charlie Wilson's observation that what's good for GM is good for the country? Problem is that GM now stands for Gross Mismanagement. Where's Lee Iacocca when we need him?

The real need for bailout in Detroit is 0-10 Detroit Lions.

American Express declares itself a bank so it, too, can feed at the federal trough. Can I do that? I once tried declaring myself a movie so I would never have to show a profit and therefore never pay taxes, but that didn't work.

Sen. Daniel Inouye, 84, replaces Sen. Robert Byrd, 90, as Chairman of Senate Appropriations Committee. Who does the committee think it is, the Mormon Church?

McDonald's is "lovin' it" with profits up. Starbucks is losin' it with profits way down. That tells you what you already know about this economy.

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